Germ Warfare

All across this land of ours, there is a great war being waged against our old nemesis - The Germs...

You know the Germs I’m talking about - the microscopic creatures that glom on to us, attacking our immune systems, making us...sick.

We fight the brave fight. We wash our hands daily, devoutly abide by 5-second rules, and attempt to quarantine ourselves from our infected brethren like kindergartners running  from Cootie-infested peers. Yet, still, we get... sick.

There are those of us that engage in more advanced tactics in this war. For example, have you ever entered a public bathroom, and somebody’s been waiting there at the doorway for you to come in so that they can sneak out without having to touch the door with their own hands? Do you wonder how long they've been waiting there, and how they got inside in the first place? It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there. Sometimes you take the bullet for your fellow man. Sometimes your fellow man makes that choice for you.

In recent years the war has taken a more gruesome turn, as the chemical agent Purell has been unleashed on the front lines. Originally distributed solely as a side-arm to individuals, this petro-chemical alcohol solution is now dispensed through artillery-like tripods placed at strategic locations, like mall playgrounds. Watch as parents frantically try to rub the stinging mucus into their hands, like a morning-after coed trying to hot-shower off her big mistake. It stings. It burns. It feels like you’ve unleashed weapons of mass destruction on your own skin. In fact, if you look at your hand under a microscope, you’ll see the tiny post-Hiroshima like shadows of germs that are no longer there.  But maybe, just maybe, you won’t get...sick.

But despite everything we do, we are losing the war.  Despite our best efforts, people are still getting sick. They are your neighbors, your family, your friends, your enemies, your reality show heroes and even - yourself. Have you noticed, that this very year, you, were sick? Maybe even more than once.

Friends, may I make a suggestion? (Of course I can, it’s my blog) I’m wondering if it wouldn’t be better to lay down our germ-fighting arsenals, accept the fact that we’re going to get sick from time to time, and try to relax. I know this is a little fatalistic, but hey, I’m a doomer, what did you expect? Besides, relaxation is good for your immune system, and you're gonna need it! Gotta fight those germs!


--BeaverPuppet