Guest Post by Vladimir Putin!

Wow, this blog has only been live since Sunday, and we’ve already got a guest posting from a very important person - Vladimir Putin! Vladimir is the Dictator –err I mean President - of the Russian Federation! So without further ado, here is Czar Putin’s message to Americans.

Dear Pathetic Americans,

I want to speak to you frankly, and let you know that you are not special. Your politicians, teachers, media, mommies and daddies have been lying to you your whole life. You are weak, soft, Americans, and your empire is crumbling. Why, just look at your “leader”, President Obama. Your haggard-looking skinny man has recently requested Your American Congress to give him his balls back. But he has been denied for not filling out the proper forms.

Contrast that to the Great Leader of Russia, myself. I am strong like my country. Look up any recent picture of me with my shirt off. I am ripped! Like my country I have been chiseled out of stone. We have endured Mongol Hordes, Nazi Pricks, and the collapse of Communism. And our weather is f***ing BRUTAL! Yet here we stand, stronger than ever. Our oil and natural gas resources are the envy of much of the world. We have Europe by the balls. And I have well-defined pectorals.

So who do you think will win between Obama and Myself: former community organizer, or former KGB? Hmm...

But in actuality, we do not need to engage in tit-for-tat diplomacy or warfare with your corpse-like nation. We simply wait it out, and in 10 or so years we send small army to annex your land. You will find 1-800 customer support telephone numbers completely useless for your defense.

So, I suggest you begin preparations for the changing of the guard. I am your future ruler. You may call me Vladimir and be executed. Czar Putin is a wiser choice, but eye contact is strictly forbidden. Not that you will ever come within such a short distance of me. I rarely visit the Gulag camps. Too cold.

President Vladimir Putin